This is a blog where I will post about my experiences with being autistic. I invite others to do the same as well as ask me any questions or for advice. PLEASE ADD YOURSELF AS A FOLLOWER! :)
Monday, July 7, 2025
Sober Reflection About Sober Reflection
Thanks for coming! I am gradually moving my blog to Substack. You can see this post there on June 30, 2026!
The answer to your question is yes, we do, and probably just as much or more. I'm guessing I'm Ivy in this story, and that's fair. I didn't stick up for you, and I wish I had. We were friends, and when it all went to hell I chose wrong. I wish I had been brave enough to stick up for you, but I wasn't. I was 14, all I knew about autism was Rainman, and I was a coward. We became friends because we were both at the bottom of the social ladder. You made a joke in class that for some reason enraged the teacher so much he stormed out of class, and then turned around to high-five me. Someone yelled out "handshake of the nerds" and then after class, I was bodyslammed into a locker. Instead of choosing my friend, I chose what I thought was self-preservation, and it was an asshole thing to do. I know 30 years is probably too late for an apology, but I am sorry, and I wish I had been a better person and a better friend to you.
Hi there! Yes, you are “Ivy” in this story, and I truly appreciate your comment. Years later, I realized that you had to have been acting in the environment that was very much a broken system and that you were ultimately worried about being targeted next. And I’m not angry. Not at you. If anything, I’m angry at the adults that made it safe for such things to happen. The ‘90s were an awful, ignorant time.
And I actually do remember the incident you described. I had no idea that you were bodyslammed after. That’s really fucked up and I’m sorry it happened to you.
I guess you probably discerned that I was hoping you would see this blog post. Guilty. It was writing this and a few of the most recent ones that made me look you up on Facebook and Instagram. I was trying to think about the best way to reach out 29 years later, and I wasn’t sure how with our complicated past. But I guess the genie is out of the bottle now. :)
If it’s ok, I’d like to message you tonight after work and the gym. I would definitely be interested in catching up if you are… Oh, and has your dog done anything weird lately? I have fond memories of us exchanging stories about our dogs. ;)
Torey here - I am so glad you reached out to me and for you sharing these blog posts with me. Since we have already had a chance to chat - there are many things I have already shared with you. My reflection on this time has happened often over the last 30 years. It is something I am most ashamed of in my life and deeply regret. Like Ivy said - and as I said to you last night - I am sorry for not being better. For not standing up for you, my friend, and instead choosing the low road for self-preservation.
I don’t remember or didn’t know all of the details you’ve recounted in these posts, and it breaks my heart. My part in all of this will never be okay - but I will keep telling you just how truly sorry I am. I was an asshole and I hurt you. I should have been better.
Thank you so much for your comment. As I said to Ivy, the 90s were really fucked up. We were kids in a broken system. I’m glad to have reconnected with you and I look forward to our Zoom call!
The answer to your question is yes, we do, and probably just as much or more. I'm guessing I'm Ivy in this story, and that's fair. I didn't stick up for you, and I wish I had. We were friends, and when it all went to hell I chose wrong. I wish I had been brave enough to stick up for you, but I wasn't. I was 14, all I knew about autism was Rainman, and I was a coward. We became friends because we were both at the bottom of the social ladder. You made a joke in class that for some reason enraged the teacher so much he stormed out of class, and then turned around to high-five me. Someone yelled out "handshake of the nerds" and then after class, I was bodyslammed into a locker. Instead of choosing my friend, I chose what I thought was self-preservation, and it was an asshole thing to do. I know 30 years is probably too late for an apology, but I am sorry, and I wish I had been a better person and a better friend to you.
ReplyDeleteHi there! Yes, you are “Ivy” in this story, and I truly appreciate your comment. Years later, I realized that you had to have been acting in the environment that was very much a broken system and that you were ultimately worried about being targeted next. And I’m not angry. Not at you. If anything, I’m angry at the adults that made it safe for such things to happen. The ‘90s were an awful, ignorant time.
DeleteAnd I actually do remember the incident you described. I had no idea that you were bodyslammed after. That’s really fucked up and I’m sorry it happened to you.
I guess you probably discerned that I was hoping you would see this blog post. Guilty. It was writing this and a few of the most recent ones that made me look you up on Facebook and Instagram. I was trying to think about the best way to reach out 29 years later, and I wasn’t sure how with our complicated past. But I guess the genie is out of the bottle now. :)
If it’s ok, I’d like to message you tonight after work and the gym. I would definitely be interested in catching up if you are… Oh, and has your dog done anything weird lately? I have fond memories of us exchanging stories about our dogs. ;)
Torey here - I am so glad you reached out to me and for you sharing these blog posts with me. Since we have already had a chance to chat - there are many things I have already shared with you. My reflection on this time has happened often over the last 30 years. It is something I am most ashamed of in my life and deeply regret. Like Ivy said - and as I said to you last night - I am sorry for not being better. For not standing up for you, my friend, and instead choosing the low road for self-preservation.
ReplyDeleteI don’t remember or didn’t know all of the details you’ve recounted in these posts, and it breaks my heart. My part in all of this will never be okay - but I will keep telling you just how truly sorry I am. I was an asshole and I hurt you. I should have been better.
Thank you so much for your comment. As I said to Ivy, the 90s were really fucked up. We were kids in a broken system. I’m glad to have reconnected with you and I look forward to our Zoom call!
Delete