Sunday, December 7, 2014

Revenge Fantasies: A Clarification

Regarding my last post, "Revenge Fantasies" I realize that there are probably a number of people who will interpret it literally instead of as a cathartic piece of writing. They will wonder if I am capable of this kind of cruelty and if I would actually act out the scenario in the blog post if it ever came up. I'm happy to tell you that fantasies are just that-- fantasies. And I wouldn't act on revenge fantasies, nor would I recommend doing so.

What would I actually have done had I found someone who'd screwed me over stranded in the snow with a dead car battery? Of course I wouldn't have let them freeze in the snow. I would have helped them jumpstart their car. But after doing so I also would not let them just leave right away. I would insist on having a discussion about what happened the last time we had interacted so that I could get closure. If the person were my ex-best friend Melanie, for example, I would insist on answers as to why she didn't invite me to the wedding and why she cut me off, ignoring all my emails and phone calls. I am also a forgiving person so if she apologized and meant it sincerely and wanted to be friends again, I would forgive her and accept her Friend Request, so to speak. 

Despite the popular misconception, revenge fantasies are not a symptom of an unhealthy mind but rather the mind's way of working through deep hurt. They are a way of owning your feelings (there will be an upcoming blog post on such owning soon). If anything, actually, people who have these fantasies are less likely to do something to hurt someone else. Don't believe me? Check out this article about it.

1 comment:

  1. I think more people have these fantasies than are willing to admit to it.
    We don't want to be labeled as anti-social/ dangerous/violent people when we are just working through hurtful situations. Too bad the world isn't able to accept people as they are.